Tombstone.
Tonight I heard gunshots all over the place and I trembled in fear, not sure what it meant. “Pa!!” I shouted loudly.
“Natalie!” Pa shouted back.
“Ya might have to speak up, yer pa has only one ear!” A man’s voice shouted.
“Pa! Where are you!” I shouted and shuddered at the man’s voice.
“Natalie, you okay?” Pa asked, running over towards me.
“They was shootin' at ya pa?” I ran to him and clung to him.
“No, dear. They was shootin at someone else,” Pa said.
“Oh…” I sighed with relief. “Who that mean ol man that say you only got one ear?” I looked over at him, seeing that one ear had been bandaged.
Pa laughed and knelt down to hug me. “Oh that’s mean old Mr. Lot. Just ignore him. How is my little munchkin doin?”
“Well now I worried bout your ear. What happened to ya, pa?” I looked up at him nervously.
“Oh it’s nothing sweetie. I just picked a fight with a big ole bear and he tried to eat my ear off.” Pa smiled.
“There’s bears here?” I asked, my eyes growing wide.
“Well sorta. But they don’t hurt kids. They just pick on us grownups sometimes. Did your ma find you?”
“Nu uh. I was out wanderin’ and tryin to remember stuff. It all feels so... different.”
“DAMMIT NOW I NEED A NEW PAIR OF PANTS!!!” A man shouted.
“Well it will munchkin. Until your memory comes back. But just think. You get to meet all these weird crazy people all over again.” Pa tickled under my nose and kissed my cheek softly.
“You sure I should meet em if they’re losin’ their pants and shootin’ at each other and punchin’ each other for fun, pa?” I looked at him.
“Wellllllllll....maybe not all of them. but most of the people in town are ok. Just stay away from that Mr. Lot you saw, and the others you saw around him. They are bad people.”
“But I didn’t see Mr Lot, I only sawed him.”
“Well then the Mr. Lot you sawed. Sometimes he wears dresses and walks around like a woman. I think he has lost his marbles.” Pa went googly eyes and stuck out his tongue.
I frowned, getting more scared of the crazy man. “Pa?”
“Yes munchkin?”
“Where’d I usually spend my time if I weren’t at home?”
“Well… that’s a good question. You were usually out running around talking to folks trying to get a story for Jeffery’s paper. Or you and Jimmy were out exploring somewhere.”
“I didn’t go and sit and read somewhere? Jimmy says I always read Sherlock.”
“CUT THAT BASTARDS TONGUE OUT LOT!!!” The man shouted again and I plugged my ears, wishing I could remember what brought me to this scary town.
“Hmmm...well I know you sometimes would go to the library and read. You also mentioned a game room of sorts over near Benson and Pearce.”
“NAW, HE GOT A BETTER REMINDER, EVERY TIME HE USES THE MIRROR!” Mr. Lot shouted.
“Can I... see the library? People gotta be quiet here right? Maybe the yellin’ll stop.”
“Sure sweetie. Come one, we will go a better way.”
We went to the library and I looked around, feeling like something felt familiar about it… Something safe.
“Here we are dear. Do you remember this place at all sweetie?” Pa asked.
I went over and ran my finger on more books and said, “It feels... safe here. Like I hid here once…”
“I think you and Jimmy hid hear once sweetie. I am just not sure where. There was... a boat... and someone named.... Huck.... Fin.... Huckle... something… He was right here…” I pointed to the spot in front of the bookshelf.
“Hmmm...I don’t know munchkin. The only Huck Finn I know is in a book.”
“A book?” I looked at him and went over to pick up “Huckleberry Finn”. “Here! Here he is!” I pointed excitedly at the name.
“See, that’s the book I was thinking about.”
“Huckleberry Finn and um... Tom Sawyer, right Pa? They was friends.”
“Yes, you are right. They rode a raft or boat together on a river.”
I started to turn the page and said, “They got lots of money and some um.. Widow... Douglas... with her sister... they tried to teach Huckleberry religion. Huck gets kidnapped though by Pap and gets beaten by him.” I continued to read, remembering the details of the book. After a while, I looked up. “Pa?”
“Yes dear?”
“How come Huck didn’t care much ’bout Moses? He was sayin’ how it was all dead and it don’t matter much ’bout dead people. But... ain’t Moses in the Bible?” I blinked and said, “Wait... Pa.... The Bible!!”
“Yes he was sweetie.”
“Can we go to church pa?” I asked, pulling on his hand.
“Not tonight munchkin, there wont be anybody there till Sunday.”
“But God’ll be there, won’t he?”
“Well yes, I reckon he will be sweetie. But God is everywhere, not just church.”
“But well... can’t we?” I asked, pulling him to the door.
“If you want to go we can sure.”
I saw a boy looking into the library window and asked, “Pa? Is that the boy I like?”
“That’s Millard, sweetie,” Pa said as he laughed.
“Oh… Do I like Millard?”
“Well you like him as a friend.”
“Hi Natalie,” Millard greeted me.
“Hi um... Millard. Why you got a peg leg?”
“Natalie!” Pa exclaimed.
“Well you don’t expect me to hop around on my good leg do you?” Millard asked.
“Well I figure it’s something I should know if I s’posed to remember it. Seeing as I don’t remember things I gotta ask again, don’t I?” I blinked, looking at Pa.
“Sorry Millard…” Pa said. “She had an accident while she was away, and doesn’t remember anything from her past.”
“Oh, yeah, I think I heard somebody talking about that,” Millard said.
“People talkin’ bout me?” I wondered.
“Yes true sweetie. But you gotta be a little bit more ummmm… nonchalant about it,” Pa advised.
“Oh… What’s that word mean?” I asked, looking over at Millard. I felt better having another kid around. “There was lots of shootin’ earlier, Millard. Were you here for it?” I asked.
“Well, it means that if you saw a fat old woman in the street, you wouldn’t walk up to her and go, ‘Why are you old and fat Miss Lady?’” Pa explained.
“Fat lady?” I looked back at Pa.
“No, I was away working,” Millard said.
“Oooh... You work?”
“Of course I do.”
“Yep… he shore does… he works helpin yore pa keep the office clean,” Pa said.
“Do I work? Other than writin’ for Jeff? I found a notebook with stuff that I worked on for the paper… Had bunch of questions I asked people bout so I started readin’ em. You work for Pa?” I looked back at Mill.
“You been doin a great job at the sheriffs office Millard. Looks a lot better since you been cleaning it,” Pa said.
“Thanks.” Millard nodded.
“Millard can I ask you a question?” I asked.
“You just did.” Millard laughed.
“Can I ask another one?”
“See?” He laughed and I frowned. “Go ahead.”
“Did I try kissin’ Jeff?”
“Did you.. huh?”
“Well Aspen said I had eyes for him or somethin’. And she said I tried to kiss him once. And that I liked you. And I said well why would I kiss one boy and like another?”
“Jeffery ain’t but this big.” Millard put a hand low to show Jeff’s height.
“What’s that gotta do with anythin’? He runs a whole paper.”
“The Bee, yeah.”
“Well… You gotta be smart to do all that, don’t ya? And... hey you didn’t answer my question.”
“Yeah. Heck, I don’t know if you did or not.”
“But I didn’t like ya that way did I?”
“I ain’t got time to see everything that goes on.”
Pa made kissy noises behind me and then whistled innocently and I glared at him and then looked back at Mill.
“I just don’t get it. Does Aspen always lie like that?”
“So do you have a crush on two boys now Natalie? Do I need to have a coming to Jesus talk with Millard and Jeffery now?” Pa chuckled and we both blinked.
“Pa... what you goin’ on about?” I asked, stepping a bit closer to Millard with confusion.
“Well you talkin bout kissin boys, and who likes who...I thought maybe I better get wedding bells ready and hire a preacher next.” Pa smiled and I frowned at him. “Now don’t look at me like that. You are the one who said you liked Millard and Jeffery.”
“Nu uh! Aspen did! I didn’t say nothin’! I jes askin’!”
“But you just said… Millard can ya help me here?” Pa looked at Millard for help and he just shrugged.
“Millard, maybe you can help me here… Is my pa nuts?”
“Smart move my boy. Never try to figure girls or woman out. It will give ya a headache every time,” Pa told him.
“Yes sir.”
“Mill?” I asked, confused.
“What?”
“Natalie, you ready to go home yet? I am sure you have embarrassed Millard enough for one night. You have me fore sure,” Pa said.
I folded my arms across my chest and said, “I ain’t goin’ home till I get an answer outta someone.”
“What answer?” Mill asked.
“Who do I like???”
“How should I know?!”
“Well… You was my friend. You saw me all the time. You went with me to school You know Jeff”
“I don’t go sticking my nose in other folk’s personal business.”
“Well... if I liked you it was yer business too, huh?”
“If’n you had told me, yeah. but you didn’t.” Mill shrugged.
“Well then I was either too scared to or I didn’t feel that way. But I read that I’m twelve and that’s when girls start ta… Ya know.. And well…” I started, and Mill rolled his eyes.
“Start to what?!” Pa glared at me.
“Um… Uh…” I looked down the street and asked, “How come guns don’t go off when you want ’em to??”
“Where is Trin when I need her!” Pa exclaimed.
“Well… If Jeff and Aspen are doin all pictures and stuff together… That means they probably kissin’ too, right? It ain’t like they got parents ta tell em not to.”
“Natalie, if you wanna kiss Millard, I will turn my back or walk down the street… just as long as I don’t see it,” Pa said.
Millard coughed and I turned beat red. Millard said, “I uh, better go sweep in the church like I said I would. yeah that’s it. Bye.” He waved and hurried away.
“Millard!!” I called out after him and ran to him. “I’m sorry.. I jes… I don’t remember nothin’… And I.. Aspen said those things and I… I didn’t know… If I…” I stammered and shifted on my feet.
“Well what’s it matter what she said?” Millard asked.
“Well I dunno! But if she goin’ round tellin people things… I wanna know what really happened. Cause I don’t remember nothin’!!!” I started to cry and Pa patted me on the head as Millard groaned.
“Conk her on the head so she’ll stop then.” Mill shrugged.
“It’s okay munchkin,” Pa knelt down and hugged me.
“It ain’t, pa! It ain’t. Cause now Mill’s gonna run every time he sees me. And if Jeff and Aspen are always together and Jimmy’s in the stables with those awful horses..”
“No he wont dear. I am sure Millard would help you if he could in any way,” Pa said.
“He would?” I asked and looked back at Mill, who nodded a little. “I sorry Mill.” I sighed. “Guess I’m stupid now.”
“Nah, just mighty confused,” Mill said.
“Yeah…” I nodded.
“No you’re not. Don’t think that sweetie. It’s not your fault you lost your memory.” Pa said.
“It’s that danged horse!!!” I exclaimed.
“What horse?” Mill looked around.
“The one that threw me off it. Back in Canada like Ma told me.”
“Oh.”
“A horse where her, Jimmy and Trin were at while they were away,” Pa exclaimed.
“But Mill... I remembered Huck Finn. I was in the library and I remembered the story when I saw the book. How come I can remember that and not who I liked?”
“It will all come back to you munchkin…. it’s just going to take time.”
“I guess I should go let ya do work Mill.” I sighed and looked down. “I sorry again.”
“It’s alright.”
“See ya tomorrow? And tell Jeff um.. I’m gonna work on somethin’ for the paper. I still got that notebook of interviews, even if I don’t remember writin’ em.”
“Sure.” Mill nodded.
“And I read through a bunch of papers to try and remember too. He does good stuff.”
Pa reached in his pocket and took out some money, handing it to Millard. “Here is your pay for this week Millard. Thank you for your hard work.”
“Oh, thanks Mr. Wallace!” Millard exclaimed.
“You’re more than welcome,” Pa said and reached for my hand. “You ready to go home sweetie?”
I sighed and just nodded as we said goodbye to Millard and walked home.
Bisbee.
We got into the house and I started to cry as Pa knelt down and asked, “What’s wrong, sweetie?”
“I just… I was so…” I buried my face against him, crying.
“Would you like to sleep with your ma and ma tonight?” He asked, and I nodded.
“It will be ok sweetie. I promise.” Pa kissed my cheek and wiped my eyes.
“I jes wanna be me again.” I cried.
“You will. Just got to be patient sweetie. You hurt your head, it takes time to heal.”
“I sleepy pa. My head knows that much.” I sighed and nodded. Pa took me upstairs and I slipped into bed between my ma who was fast asleep and pa, and fell asleep slowly.
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